Zombies and Voodoo and all that um, stuff.
You get lulled into a feeling of safety. Slowly, unnoticed, that constant nagging worry in the back of your mind has receded to a barely audible whisper, a tiny gnat-sized flutter of distant memory.
After a busy week schmoozing at a convention with the hubs and arriving home late last night you sleep in. The sun is eventually so high in the sky that it is glaring into your eyes despite the tightly closed windows, so you get up and shuffle down to the Shrine for a cuppa, taking it easy, playing with the dog and cat, who missed you. Fire up the trusty old Dell, open FB and what has your “friend” posted?? A link to the Miami Herald headline: “Naked man killed by Police near MacArthur Causeway was ‘eating’ face off victim“, which I’ve conveniently hyperlinked for both of you in case you want details. Personally the headline was more than enough for me and I’m glad I didn’t cause permanent damage to my sinus cavities when I choked at the mental visual and snorted really hot coffee. Apparently my “friend”, a term used loosely in light of her recent share, and whom I shall call, ummm….”Elizabeth”, to maintain her anonymity, is deeply concerned the Apocalypse is firing up in Florida, what with Zombie dude running naked on the Causeway, eating people’s faces and everything. I admit, she has some reason to worry.
One reason I believe she may have cause to worry is that another “friend” (I have got to find some new friends) whom I shall call, ummm…”Missy” (it’s hard thinking of fake names, it takes a minute – be patient) then posted information on this book:
which was written by an ethnobotanist - and I have no clue what that is but you can both just look it up yourself because I had enough trouble just trying to spell it write (that one’s for you, Elizabeth-Grammar-Police-Sumner). Apparently this enthno entno whatever went to Haiti in the 80′s and researched TWO DOCUMENTED CASES of zombi (which he spells with no E, oddly).
Just in case you just spit coffee through your nose too, and now your eyes are watering profusely like mine did, blurring most of what you’re reading, I shall repeat myself: DOCUMENTED CASES.
That sounds pretty official to me. Like, before he went down there to investigate the TWO DOCUMENTED CASES, someone had already documented them. This leads me to believe that they found something to put into a document, and not just once, but twice. Myself, I think that if what they put in the document was THESE PEOPLE ARE NUTJOBS then the Harvard scientist with the fancyschmancy botany name would probably not have bothered to travel to Haiti to investigate nutjobs. Because if all he needs are nutjobs, he could come to Memphis for that, “Elizabeth” and “Missy”. I’m just sayin’.
To review (and I’m typing very slowly now, so you can both be sure to comprehend):
1. We have TWO DOCUMENTED CASES of Zombies in Haiti.
2. We now have very suspicious Zombie activity on the MacArthur Causeway in Miami – which is closer to Memphis than Haiti is.
3. Suspicious Zombie activity is thereby moving closer to Memphis.
4. Sometimes I’d prefer to have Sandra Bullock’s face instead of mine, but still and all, I’d prefer my face over a half-eaten one.
5. I really regret overeating and drinking wine all week, and I definitely wish I’d gotten in more than 8 miles in this week, because I think we need to