Run. Dog. Cat. Cat. Me.

When good runs go bad.

Monday morning.  Trolling the internet for inspirational stuff to post to the Women’s Run FB page and the MRTC FB page I came across this poster at runnersworld.com, suddenly reminding me of Sunday’s run, which I thought I’d successfully filed away in the Never Remember Again file.

It all started Saturday night when the hubs and I and a mess of running friends (‘mess of’ is southern for a bunch.  like a ‘mess of greens’ is a pot of turnip greens.  not that my running friends resemble a pot of turnip greens, I didn’t mean that, this is going south fast.) (Wait! hahahaha ‘south’! ‘turnip greens’! that’s funny) had the joy of celebrating the marriage of two long-time running friends.  The food was awesome – vegetarian, Vietnamese and a meat table for the carnivores; so not to insult anyone I forced myself to eat a couple of everything.   And maybe a glass or two of wine altho I swear there was never any danger I was actually going to set that tablecloth on fire.  I knew what I was doing.

After the mess of us had some wine we thought it was incredibly funny to do the YMCA together on the dance floor.  Then we all did a little bit of Everybody Dance Now and basically we didn’t Stop ‘Til We Got Enough.  At some point between not setting the tablecloth on fire – I knew what I was doing – and all the dancing I apparently agreed to run with my friend Sayruh Goodie Two Shoes the next morning.  At 7am.  Because?  I am an idiot.  She’s younger.  She’s faster.  And she always looks good.   I soothed myself with the knowledge that she was doing 6 at 6am first (hopefully using up some of her energy) then I was joining her for her last 12 and would pick up my final two on the end.

It was another grey January day, in the 40’s but windy and very damp as we headed out.

talktalk running talktalk wedding

take windbreaker off *urp* that was a lot of food last night

put windbreaker back on

talktalk food *urp* stuffed peppers and guacamole

take windbreaker off

*urp* why does Sara keep talking about that food *urp*

water stop thank you baby Jesus in your crib the bathroom is open

put windbreaker on

talktalk races why is Sara ahead of me?

run faster while struggling to get windbreaker off, which is stuck inside out on my Garmin

talktalk life talktalk kids talktalk food (OMG SHUT UP ABOUT THE FOOD)

phoooo INhale EXhale INhale EXhale *urp*

fword fudge she’s ahead of me again.

diversionary tactics.  I see MONEY!

Sara stops.  I can’t actually bend over but she scoops up 55 cents.  Standing still never felt so good.

breathe breathe breathe (I wish I had more money on me, this worked better than expected)

I realize that Sara looks sort of like this:

fword fear.

Distract myself.  look at that cool tree with no leaves!

Oh, look, another cool tree with no leaves!

Cool tree with no leaves!

For the love of all that’s holy, NONE OF THE TREES HAVE LEAVES!  IT’S JANUARY!

fword fast Sara’s ahead again.  run faster *urp*

um.  OH!  Pink house! distract Sara.  Gawd that’s an ugly house.

fword Fffffffffffffffudge another HILL and there she goes…

Ox.Y.Gen.  focus top of hill top of hill top of hill do not fall down.

TOP OF HILL! the air really is a lot thinner here on Mt. Everest.

Water stop thank you baby Jesus in your little wooden crib there’s a bathroom.

Put windbreaker back on.

We got every single damn stoplight green.  We crossed railroad tracks three times and not once did we have to wait for a train.  None of the cars passing bothered to slightly run me over.  You cannot purchase oxygen at corner gas stations.  Probably if you could they would refuse to sell it to me because my legs are on fire and apparently oxygen and open flames are not a good mix.  This is what the last mile looked like:

I joined the group at McDonald’s, always a good place to meet after near death experiences.  But I did not get any pancakes.