Death: Zero Me: One
Once again with my uncanny Cat ability I have saved Mom and Dog from certain death. I looked death in the face and I said bwaaahahahaha death you loser I am Cat hear me roar. Dog is mostly useless and Mom is clueless and Dad is always at Job or Working Out so there’s no one left but me to protect the innocent.
Yesterday with my super sensitive Cat instincts I knew there was trouble I could feel it in the air. I could feel Triangular Spasmodic Electrons in the air and I knew a storm was coming. I ran down the hallway to tell Mom but she was too busy looking at Computer Box and telling it she was fed up with it’s onethousand-onehundred-sixty-three E Males and if Computer Box didn’t stop she was going to Pull Its Plug. Obviously she was not going to listen to me so I got in her lap and stared at her. Maybe I could get through to her telepathically. She said cute little cat what is wrong with you with your eyeballs rolling and I thought OH, My Holy Mother of Catnip, she’s an IDIOT. I was so frustrated I jumped on the bed and beat up Printer Cartridge. I wanted to take it out on Dog but he was in a pathetic little ball under the chair quivering like jello so it would have been like teasing a kitten.
Which by the way is extremely irritating to kittens in case no one out there ever realized it you idiots. And you think they chew up your socks and attack your ankles because they are just so cute and playful.
Anyway mom finally quit talking to Computer Box about E Males and Funny Video and went into the Den to her Chair so quivering ball of fear Dog could sit on her lap like a baby. Once again, there they are, Useless and Clueless. So I climbed on top of both of them so someone could be in charge and protect them until Dad came home from Work.
A Cat’s life, I tell you, it’s all about sacrifice.