Run like a Pro
I am so excited. I just saw this book advertised: Ultimate Guide To Running Like A Pro and it’s only $9.95 plus shipping and handling.
It’s a good thing it just went on sale so I can get one fast before everyone else finds out about it, because once everyone has it they’ll all be running like a Pro too and maybe they’ll be faster Pros than me, so I need to get it fast so I can ultimately get fast faster.
Gee. This is sort of like Christmas. I can’t wait. I bet it’s going to be awesome.
I wonder if you get to pick the Pro you’re going to run like. Hmmmmmm. I”m thinking. Who shall I pick?
I think Deena. I know she’s past her prime now, but I’ll pick Young Deena.
Wait. What if someone else who buys the book starts running like the same Pro I’m going to run like? Then we would always tie at every race. We’d be like twins. Or maybe we’d be like clones. I’d be running like a Pro, but I wouldn’t win. That would suck.
My mom would ask, “How was your race Terri?” and I’d have say, “Well, we tied…again.”
So mom would feel sad because I was unhappy because every race was a tie.
Or, what if your Pro got injured, would you be injured then too?
I’d be talking on the phone with my mom and she’d ask me, “How’s your running doing now, Terri?”
Then I’d have to tell her, “Oh, Deena and I, we broke our foot.”
Then my mom would feel sad for me.
What if I was running like my Pro and my Pro didn’t enter the same race as me and I won, would I have to split the money with them? How about the medal? Would we have to share custody?
I’d go home for the holidays and mom would ask, “Terri! Show me your medal you won!” and I’d be like, “Oh, I can’t mom, Deena has it this weekend.”
That would make my mom really sad. She’d be nice about it and all, but she’d still be sad.
Jeezum. This book is nothing but trouble. If it’s going to make my mom sad all the time I’m not sure I want to Run Like A Pro any more.