Plotting my demise?
It’s Tuesday morning and I am not obligated to be anywhere today. I can run later this afternoon when the sun comes out HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Weather.com says the sun will be out this afternoon and I am basing my plans on that, innocent trusting idiot that I am. Yesterday weather.com promised us rain, freezing rain, sleet and snow, sending the citizens of this fair city into a spiraling morass of fear, concern and confusion about the predicted state of the roads, closing of schools and did they have enough loaves of bread to live through the night when they got snowed in, all while secretly hoping it would, indeed, be The Storm of 2012 and we’d all be forced to sit in our warm homes doing nothing but FB and Farmville. Since it never got below 32 degrees we all sighed resignedly and went back to being adults.
So anyway, here I am at the desk avoiding anything remotely resembling grownup work and blogging instead. I’ve probably never mentioned this, but I have a pair of plaid bell bottomed fleece pants that are without any doubt The. Most. Awesome. Fleece. Pants. Intheworld. which I am wearing right now, sitting at my desk, warm and comfy with my cup of coffee, thank you baby Jesus in your little wooden crib that your daddy might have made for you.
Chunk is being horrid today. I do not know what is going on with her. Last night she treated the bed as a trampoline, my undercover toes as batting practice and pummeled Murph’s poor head like a tether ball, then sweetly climbed on me, put her little soft nose up to mine, sniffed, and plopped down, gazing up lovingly.
Chunk gazing lovingly at me.
At 2am she was awkwardly crawling across my head and trying to attack the night stand which I can promise has never done anything to her and she ended up shut downstairs.
This morning she played undercover cop with the bath towels (like I don’t know she’s here? eh? look at the size of that butt!)
Later, returning from the Lourdes of coffee pots with a fresh load of brew in my handmade pottery cup, I see the monkey asleep on my keyboard (she jumped when she saw me)
She bolted out of the room like her ass was on fire and I couldn’t get a pic of that.
Five minutes later she was back, sucking up, crawling on my lap and kneading my incredible fleece pants into a bed.
Here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve been assimilating all these clues. And then one of my BRFF’s, LisaO, sent me this chart (Below). Suddenly I see. (background music for your listening pleasure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tlU-1u1JC8)
1. Kneading on me – every day, and while we’re at it, is she really accidentally awkwardly walking across my head every night…?
2. Hiding in dark places and watching me – I did see you under that towel, girl.
3. Excessive shoveling of kitty litter – I decided no photo of the littler box, I know both of you will be grateful.
4. Sleeping on my computer – –
5. Staring contest – – –
6. Sprinting at light speed out of any room I enter – – – –
She’s plotting to kill me.
If you don’t hear from me in the next few days, someone send help. Meanwhile I’ve shut myself in the office with the coffee pot. I figure I can always call for pizza delivery, they can pass it through the window.