Run. Dog. Cat. Cat. Me.

Everything you need to know about running and life and any other random crap I find bouncing through my mind like a ping pong ball. And always be sure your shoes are happy.

Marathonirritationitis

MARATHONIRRITATIONITIS

A few years ago, facing the last taper week before her first marathon, one of my BRFF’s and co-hort at The Bad Table at board meetings, DJ aka Deej aka Deejer, asked me, “How does anyone stay married when they have to live with a marathoner?  I am such a bi&&** this week – and my team mates are too!  I’m going to kill my husband, I’m going to kill my child, I’m going to kill the dog.  I’m going to eat the legs off the table and follow that up with 2 gallons of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey with hot fudge sauce!!  I’m going to wear my Nike shorts with my Brooks s/s.  No, I’m going to wear compression tights with a Nike singlet….OH MY GAWD I’M GOING CRAZY!!!”

This poor runner is suffering from a little known disease, MARATHONIRRITATIONITIS (maruh-thon-ir-i-tey-shuhn-eye-tis), a serious but seldom fatal (except to family members) and short-lived illness which is, surprisingly, found only in one particular group of people.  Not limited to age, race or religion, curiously, all sufferers have one thing in common:  every one of them run marathons.

Signs and Symptoms

Marthonirritationitis symptoms include but are not limited to:  irritation, irritability, grumpiness, lack of focus, inability to pay attention, and loss of concentration.  In addition to being slightly out of sorts symptoms include wandering aimlessly through the house hugging a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s, carrying one running shoe and 12 pair of socks, trying to find the suitcase which is in the middle of the floor.  People have been known to pack three jog bras and no shorts while slathering Glide on their underarms and Right Guard everywhere else.

Marthonirritationitis is most often followed by a period of extreme euphoria.  These symptoms include but are not limited to:  obtaining a shiny medal object at the end of the trigger (marathon) and hanging it in conspicuous places such as their rear view mirror or on the refrigerator over the top of their child’s A++ test.  Other victims have been seen wearing the shiny object out in public, where they frequently imbibe in high caloric meals which include large amounts of alcohol while laughing loudly at anything that is not remotely funny to any other human, occasionally lapsing into a blank stare while silently mouthing the words I did it I did it.

Following this brief period of euphoria is a longer period of deep and sincere remorse, whereupon the sufferer is forced to ask the previously offended and offensive family members for, first, their forgiveness and second, help standing up from the couch, kitchen chair and/or toilet.  Victims are often seen creeping sideways down the stairs, clutching the stair rail as though it held the meaning of life and sobbing while stepping out of the car or off a curb.  Other victims are seen shuffling sadly into convenience stores purchasing quantities of bagged ice in a useless attempt to stave off pain by immersing themselves in the dreaded Ice Bath, originally invented for stubborn victims of the Inquisition.

Diagnosis

Physical examination, x-rays and blood testing are most often useless.  Diagnosis usually follows a family member exclaiming, “For crying out loud!  What is WRONG with you?!”  The innocent, well-intentioned and unsuspecting family member then learns the meaning of ‘Near Death Experience” as the hurled object embeds itself in the wall beside the family member’s head.

Treatment

Sadly there is, at this time, no known cure, nor is there any medication known to be of more than superficial benefit.  Beer, Ibuprofen, beer, hot baths, wine and beer seem to remedy most of the symptoms which follow the euphoria.

Prognosis

Marthonirritationitis usually lasts 5-7 days.  Oddly, most victims tend to suffer periodic relapses despite the pleas of frightened loved ones.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

8 thoughts on “Marathonirritationitis

  1. Oh god. This so true.

  2. Taper Madness well explained. 🙂

  3. I LOVE THIS!!!! LOL So awesome and TRUE!

  4. Also applies to InjuryRehabItis!

  5. Pingback: Kreativ Blogger Award « The Running Thriver

  6. Pingback: From Humble Beginnings… « The Running Thriver

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

In my own words

Noli timere

The Science of Sport

Scientific comment and analysis of sports and sporting performance

It's A Marathon AND A Sprint

And a 10K and a 200 Mile Bike Ride and an Obstacle Race and Anything Else We Find!

bluchickenninja.com

graphic designer, bibliophile, spoonie

Running On Healthy

Living Life Healthy, Fit, and Happy

One Dreamy Mess

Fit, healthy, & traveling the world.

runswimbikediversify

Just. Take. Another. Step.

The Fit Mom Diary

Family, Fitness, Food, & FUN

Be Happy, Be Kind & Be Loving

A great WordPress.com site

Pages and Stories

Reflections on Writing, Traveling, and Food

Grow up proper

A raw view on life

Morning Story and Dilbert

Inspiring, Encouraging, Healthy / Why waste the best stories of the World, pour a cup of your favorite beverage and let your worries drift away…

Living the Life

Staying spirited (while attending college): happy thoughts on the happiest time of your life

Trek Ontario

Hike | Camp | Canoe | Snowshoe | Geocache | ...

Chocolate Covered Race Medals

Where I race to the chocolate bar

Exchanging Words

Everything about Anything

Seize the day!

Everything you need to know about running and life and any other random crap I find bouncing through my mind like a ping pong ball. And always be sure your shoes are happy.

Hemingway Run

From Couch Potato To Runner Bean!

Bike/Ped Memphis

Nicholas Oyler - Bikeway & Pedestrian Program Manager

Midwest Sweet Tea

A movement towards balance and self-discovery.

pipe down piper

I'm tired and I'm hungry.

Sarah Corell

Multimedia from every corner of the world.

Jack Flacco

THE OFFICIAL SITE

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

Fatness to Fitness

Practical strategies for making a lifestyle change.

Run5kaday's Blog

Daily distance running adrenaline!

hungry and fit

A young couple focused on great workouts and feasting well -- all on a low budget!

Top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

Mountains to Mats

The Modern Art of Muay Ski-Jitsu...

Philly Tales and Trails

Running adventures through the City of Brotherly Love

The Happsters

Spread Positive Vibes. Give Love. Be Happy.

findingexpression

awe, humility, hope and a few other things I might notice

kirstenmcaleeserunning

A great WordPress.com site

Hollis Plample

draws comics

Julia's Place

Musings of a retired but not retiring woman

borscht and babushkas

mostly adventures from peace corps ukraine

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

jadaadele

Just another WordPress.com site

The Fit Wanderer.

forever wandering

Jello Legs

My love hate struggle with running

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

theinnerwildkat

Passions For Books, Writing and Music-however it manifests itself

run eat life

live life healthy and happy

%d bloggers like this: