Things are going swimmingly, thanks. And you?
Where have ya’ll been?? Sucked into a black hole?
Oh, wait, that’s me that’s been in a black hole.
First the Munker got sick. For a day or two I thought it was really cute that she kept sleeping on top of the heating vents, funny little kitty, curled up on the vents in the winter. Then I came downstairs one morning and realized she was still in the same spot and same position she’d been in the night before. Mo and Murphy were right there with her, where they’d been the night before – never moved. Stayed with her all night. And of course it’s New Year’s Eve day (does that seem right? eve day?) They got her in but it took almost three hours. Temp 104.6, probably viral, and she’s pissed about being at the vet’s. I mean Pissed. Like, all over the carrier. Later she said this sh*t’s for the birds and so she did. All over the carrier. I started wishing I had a cold just so I couldn’t smell anything.
This is what I decided for 2013: Since running is still not really working for me, I would try to do some type of exercise every day. Not many people make this type of resolution, but I’m just like that. Cutting edge. Most people resolve to eat more sweet potato fries. A few decide to be radical (mostly New Yorkers) and pledge to drink at least one 32 ounce soft drink per day. Not me. After I got done giving the vet most of our retirement account I went home and loaded up my shining new Jillian’s 30-Day Shred (LOSE UP TO 20 POUNDS IN 30 DAYS!) video. I figured, since I haven’t been working out a lot, I would start with Level 1. It wasn’t too bad until the next day when I needed brush my teeth and my arm only reached my neck. I don’t have teeth in my neck.
I did the Level 1 workout and checked my Garmin. Wearing my HR monitor the Garmin said I’d burned 238 calories in 28 minutes. Doing the math I figured I’m only going to have to do Level 1 for six hours a day to LOSE UP TO 20 POUNDS IN 30 DAYS. So, I hopped up on the hubster’s trainer for 30 minutes. Now I only have to do the shred video for 5 more hours. Today.
You’ll both be surprised to learn that I did not, in fact, do the video for five more hours. No. I played some Spider Solitaire, which I think the Russians or North Koreans have invented to keep us U Ess of Aye citizens distracted while they plan to invade our golden shores and take over AIG, that Golden Boy of All Things Right About the American System. Also, I think that damn game is rigged. I mean, how can you have a win percentage of 23%? That’s un-American. Win percentages should always be 100%.
Now, suddenly, it’s January 18th and so far I’m up to December 31st on my awesome blog that you have both been distraught to read. My life is a whirl of inactivity and boredom that I cover up with many fascinating stories. There are so many to choose from.
Here’s a Teaser: My crazy friend “Becky” talked me into taking a swim class.
Oh, wait, it’s not really a swim class. It’s really a Master’s Swim.
Master’s swim does not include clutching the side of the pool at the end of each 25 yards and gasping for breath.
No, yes. For me, it does.