There’s a WHAT? In the WHERE?
The pork chops turned out pretty well. Maybe a little dry but after four hours of yard work I was too hungry to know for sure. One reason I think the pork chops were OK is the next day for lunch I finished the leftovers straight out of the casserole dish without taking a pause. The dog looked worried and hid under the table. I don’t know what he’s being so picky about, does he hear himself when he eats?
Flush with success, Wednesday I made Trader’s Joe’s knock-off turkey chili-lime burgers and potato salad, which meant Thursday I could stand in front of the refrigerator and eat potato salad out of the plastic storage container. Yum. Crunchy celery, smooth creamy dressing, the tang of onion, salty peppery mushy potato goodness. *happy place* *sigh* *death by potato*
I think soon the Food Network will be calling me to host a show. It’s been a long time since my last brush with fame and no fortune as the Poster Child and National Spokesperson for the National Butt Falling-off Ass. Now that I’m healed they’ve tossed me out on the street like a used newspaper from the bottom of the litter box. I’m not bitter, I’m far to large-hearted for that, and I fully deny remarking that all their asses had obviously fallen off and landed on their shoulders. I’m not one to hold a grudge, and I’m not watching stupid AMC only because they happen to have nothing good on. At all, ever.
What should the focus of my cooking show be? Hmmm. “Spices: From Salt to Pepper?” “Conundrum: Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken?” “Pass on the Pasta OR: How I learned to cook a Spaghetti Squash?”
The best thing about it all, though, is I’ve overcome my irrational fear of returning to Kroger. I’ve learned that Olivia Newton John was soon to open a show in Las Vegas but has postponed it due to the sad fact that her sister has brain cancer, and she intends to spend her time helping her sister. In view of this very awesome and selfless act by a very classy lady, I’ve decided I can no longer remain small-minded about the guy playing B17 even though I do still have the damn song stuck in my head, doing yard work, pulling weeds, muttering lyrics.
Secondly I’m no longer afraid of finding a bath in the Kroger un-bathroom, AKA the Ladies’ Room. It appears there are far worse things you can find in a bathroom:
SALINA, KS by the Associated Press April 23, 2013 — A central Kansas woman likely won’t remember her first circus for the clowns or performances — it’ll be the tiger in the bathroom.
The big cat had escaped briefly after its turn in the ring Saturday at the Isis Shrine Circus in Salina. Staff members blocked off the concourses at the Bicentennial Center as the tiger wandered into the bathroom, where one of the doors was blockaded.
About that time, Salina resident Jenna Krehbiel decided she needed to use the restroom. When she walked in the door that hadn’t been blocked off, she found a tiger standing about 2 feet away, The Salina Journal reported.
“You don’t expect to go in a bathroom door, have it shut behind you and see a tiger walking toward you,” Krehbiel said. (right??)
Chris Bird, manager at the Bicentennial Center, said the bathroom was only 25 feet long.
“Once she saw the tiger, I’m sure she knew to go the other way,” Bird said. “Overall, it was a scary, surreal moment. I am glad no one was hurt or injured.”
The tiger was captured within minutes and returned to its enclosure.
Krehbiel, a social worker, said she didn’t scream or run because she is trained to stay calm. “Looking back, it was a scary ordeal,” she said. “At the time, I was thinking I just needed to get out.” (how many times does a social worker run into tigers in the bathroom?? Note to self: do not pursue social work.)
Krehbiel said her 3-year-old daughter had a different reaction. “My daughter wanted to know if it had washed its hands,” Krehbiel said. “That was her only concern. I think that shows the thoughts of children and that they wouldn’t have known there was danger.”