Little Merry Sunshine Part 2
There actually is a blog titled Little Merry Sunshine and it’s much cheerier than my Merry Sunshine. If you’re in the same mood as I am this morning you need to head over there right now and read it for about fourteen hours.
It’s fine, I’ll wait. I have coffee.
Ok, are you done? Do you feel better?
I don’t. As you both know, my brain is broken. I keep trying to fix it, I really do, and I won’t give up. There are simply times it’s harder to keep trying.
The blogger above (I do think she must be a very nice person) was apparently such a happy child she even smiled when she slept.
I, on the other hand, was the (not) sleeping child who, when I could not stand it a moment longer and my bladder was about to burst, stood on the bed, leapt to the doorway, ran to the bathroom, speed peed and dashed back to the bedroom doorway to leap back onto the bed.
I did this so the man who lived under my bed could not grab my leg and pull me under the bed.
It was never clear what would happen after that, life would end or I’d live forever in a black hole, I’m unsure. All I knew was I would be sucked into a dark and never-ending vortex.
Lately it’s been dark endless days that morph into darker nights as we shiver through the effects of psycho polar vortexes, grey cloudy cold days of endless rain pouring down from dark endless clouds. The fun of hunkering down, making soup, reading in the comfy chair, knitting while watching TV in the evening has waned to microscopic.
What happens if someone scares you? Maybe you think you’re alone in the house, knitting endless scarves watching the news and waiting to make dinner, but actually hubs is home from work and you didn’t hear him come in (Early Warning System is asleep on the couch). He walks into the room to say hi and you jump out of the chair, heart pounding. What’s the first thing that happens? Do you feel angry?
I do. I get pissed because I got scared.
And there you have it.
The whirling vortex of Brain has settled on the OH SHIT button and keeps stomping. Well sh*t. When is the last time we ran and it didn’t hurt? That would be … Brain counts on its fingers … 19 months ago, yeppers. JeZUS in your little hay filled CRIB, shut UP Brain!
Making the bed, little twinges, ouch, step, ouch, step. Why is my foot still sore? Is it another stress reaction? There is my running gear, laid out three days ago. Still folded, still on the chair. Maybe I’ll run later this morning. I should take my phone in case there is something wrong. He said it would be easier to break another bone for a while. I could call Becky if something happened. Maybe I should go to the Center and run on the treadmill instead. Maybe I’ll do that. Later. Like, next Juvember.
I, however, am holding an ace: I have BRFF’s who pop up on messages telling me to drag my whiny ass over to their house at 8:15 and they don’t want to hear the ‘feel like’ temp, put on some woolies and gloves, get your butt here and we’re going for a run.
YAY! We’re going for RUN!
“I am too a Merry Sunshine,” insisted Ramona (and she) got down from the table and ran …
Addendum
Furthest I’ve run since 11.9.13
A little slow. Took a couple walk breaks. Waited on a couple red lights.
Cold and breezy. After a while I couldn’t feel my quads.
It was perfect.
Sooooo happy I bought a treadmill last fall….I would look like Jabba the Hutt by now if I couldn’t just walk downstairs and run an hour or so to work off the cookies/cake/breads I bake during my trapped in the house boredom. That is when I’m not outside shoveling … and shoveling … and shoveling.
shoveling is a lot of calorie burn!!
unfortunately I’ve been baking also, but all the shoveling I’m doing is into my mouth…
hahahaha…just think of that kind of shoveling as 2 oz lifts! Glad you got out for a nice run!
2 ounce lifts that burn 2% of what’s going in the mouth 🙂
yes, the run was awesome!
You crack me up! 🙂
Girl! I haven’t talked to you in ages! You are doing great I see 🙂
I know! It’s been crazy. Hope you’re doing well!
ran four miles today – first time since November. Weather is crazya$$sh*t but that’s true across the board.
True, that, but I’ll still take FL’s crazy a$$ weather over everyone else’s right now. 😀
absolutely! And I have one son in Chicago and one in NYC so as much as I complain I know Memphis is much better than they are getting.
Oh, yeah. I grew up in Chicago weather.
If your quads were frozen, you also got a lovely arctic beauty treatment on your face. If your skin’s not turning black and peeling off, you’ll have a healthy glow in no time. Lucky you!
so far, no black! I’m sure it was a much warmer run than most you are getting…
Hello!
Thank you for the super kind shoutout and link to my blog, Little Merry Sunshine. I really appreciate your kindness. I’m also really sorry that you’re having a rough time.
We don’t know each other, but as I read your post a bit further, I sensed a bit of resentment that I seem so happy. From reading your blog, I think we’re more alike than you might guess.
Let me tell you a little more about me: Yes, as a child, I usually slept with a smile on my face, according to my mom. I choose to focus on that because I hate focussing on the fact that I also suffered from horrible night terrors, that still creep into my sleep on a semi-regular basis some 40 years later. I have a mom with serious mental health issues and physical issues that have resulted in me being her primary care giver and my dreams of getting married and having kids have flown out the window. I, too, suffer from depression that I fight on a daily basis. Medication and therapy have made some of it better, but they aren’t cure-alls. I could go on, but I’m not attempting to get into a contest of who’s got worse problems or garner pity, as I’m sure you’re not either.
Why did I name my blog Little Merry Sunshine? I chose the name because it obviously brought up good things for me, but also because I wanted to write about things that inspired me. The world is full of negativity and I wanted to create a haven from all of that.
I’m no Pollyanna and neither is my blog. I have failures and setbacks just like everybody else. For me, and this is speaking just for myself, I find that focussing on the good stuff helps (but doesn’t eliminate) buffer me from the demons in my life and the stuff that brings me down.
You have a good blog and you’re a good writer. I will definitely be back.
Jessica
First of all, I’m completely awed, flattered and overwhelmed that you read my blog, as I greatly admire your writing and your blog. It’s a bit like meeting a movie star only on my computer screen.
Secondly, thank you so much for taking the time and thought to comment! I am sorry if I sounded a bit resentful, my sarcastic sense of humor can be off-putting. It’s my Lenten resolve to quit being sarcastic but only because when I resolved to quit bitching several friends offered to unfriend me. Obviously not well-adjusted friends.
I’m not incredibly surprised at your struggles only because I think the most awesome people are awesome largely due to some type of struggle. I’ve actually come to expect some of the people, like you, who communicate so well and come across as pretty well-centered have only gotten to that spot through a lot of hard work.
I am, additionally, extremely sorry for your mother’s struggles. I am grateful that over the past 25 years anti-depressants and counseling have greatly helped me, and that my ‘issues’ are quite mild compared to those of many others.
Thank you again for your kind and well-thought out reply – and, finally, thank you for putting joy into a sometimes joyless world!!