Run. Dog. Cat. Cat. Me.

Everything you need to know about running and life and any other random crap I find bouncing through my mind like a ping pong ball. And always be sure your shoes are happy.

Archive for the tag “coffee”

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane –
Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn –
world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for
hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the furies
breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
crop. Look at that low plane!

This is what my brain sounds like in my head.  So, I’ve started making lists.  Lists are very good.  If you can find where you put them.

Unfortunately, lists also tend to make me feel slightly overwhelmed.  It seems more stuff gets added than gets crossed off.

Of course it would help if some of the things on the list didn’t include “Find keys … again”  “phone…”

And, really, do you need to put laundry on a list?  I think not.  I think I will cross that off.  It’s not like, when I look in the drawer and have no more clean socks, I’m going to be unable to understand that laundry needs to be done.  And the very helpful — but incredibly irritating – incessant pinging of the dryer when it’s finished usually inspires me to get the clean clothes taken care of.  Someone got paid to create that sound, and it wasn’t me.  They got money to irritate people.  Dammit.  I do that all the time and I never get one penny.

Speaking of appliances, do yours say words?  Mine do.  And they say the same words every. damn. time.  Could they change up the conversation?  No.

Dishwasher:  Wasssshhh-aaahhhh wasssshhhh-aaahhhh wasssshhhh-aaahhh.  I’m so terribly sorry, dishwasher, that you find the entire reason you were created to be such a burden.

And the washing machine, WTH for, I don’t know, says DoctorPepper-DoctorPepper-DoctorPepper.  It could be a Coke conspiracy.  I do like Diet Dr. Pepper.  Oddly I sometimes find myself craving Dr. P while doing laundry.

Nahhhh.

Nah??

I got up this morning, looked at my to do list and thought, it’s Monday.  It’s not 8am.  So I turned the list over and now all I have is a blank piece of paper.

I think this is a metaphor for a lot of things in life.

How important is it?  Important enough to be engraved on a list?

How often do we replay shit in our heads that we would never write on a list?  He said she said they didn’t they did they never I never she never they always I always they always.  Particularly if the conversation in our head contains negative content more than 24 hours old.

God I wish I could turn my brain over to a clean sheet.

Anyway, it’s Monday and I have a list, I’ve had my coffee, and it’s almost 8am.  I’m going to try working on the list on the sheet of paper and ignore the list in my head.  I’ll stream some R.E.M. and leave you with this #firstworlddogproblem:

The sprinklers are on in Murphy’s favorite part of the yard.

sad murphy

Sad Murphy

Fifteen minutes later:

sad murphy 2

Sadder Murphy.  I’mma hide in this corner, here, and the sprinklers will go away.

I just checked again, now the sprinklers are done.  Murphy’s plan of action worked and they disappeared.  His world didn’t end.

I checked my to-do list.  It didn’t, either.

*sigh*

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Important Self Test Which Will Reveal All You Need

I often see FB posts revealing someone’s Person Type, their Inner Spirit; shining examples of Hope, Love, or Eternal Peace Hippie Girl.  I am not necessarily against that, as it was once revealed that I am a rainbow farting unicorn.  Other than that one time, though – and this is just my personal opinion, even though I do the little tests – I think these links results are sh*t.

These links are sh*t because they don’t offer the options real people would actually choose if they could.

So I’m going to make a test for you that will actually work.  This test will reveal your true self, your true inner spirit, and the real reason you live and breathe, however well or poorly, on this earth.

Get a paper and pencil because I am not going to have a little button at the end of each question which will tally and do a reveal at the bottom of this post.  That sh*t costs money and I just bought groceries for dinner, so that’s not in the budget.  If you are unable to find a working pencil, a scrap of paper, cannot write the letters A, B, C, D or E, or cannot add, and/or any combination of these, your personal revelation is immediate:  You Rock.  You have a life and are too busy to screw with having usable writing utensils and stupid pads of paper, you have a phone to do all of that.  When the end of society as we know it comes, and we know it will, probably sooner than later –  the Demicans and Republicrats tell us so every night on CNBC/FOX/FML – your life will then suck because your phone will be useless.  Meanwhile, since I do have paper and a pencil nub, I can write notes on scraps of paper begging for rescue and throw them in rivers in all the pop bottles I keep meaning to recycle, but forget.  This will as useless as your phone but slightly more fun.

Today we will determine what type of personality you have.  The options will be Zen, OK Most of the Time, What’s It Matter It Will Never Work Anyway, Don’t Push My Buttons, and DANGER, Will Robinson.

1.  You arrive at work on Monday morning.  There is no coffee in the building.
a.  I’d probably spill it, anyway.
b.  ooooooooooooohhhhhmmmmm
c.  I should be … WTF??  Someone moved my monitor a 1/4 inch, stupid son of a …
d.  OK.  OK then, hey, it could be worse, right?
e.  Seriously?  This is the best question you could come up with?

2.  Your ideal weekend would include:
a.  My local ashram, a church picnic, time petting fluffy bunnies, holding small babies smelling of powder
b.  Coffee first.  Then, I dunno.  More coffee.
c.  I’m going to start edging my yard at 4am Saturday since that a$$ next door was blowing leaves at sunrise on Memorial Day.
d.  I have plans but I bet it’s gonna rain.
e.  Invisibility.

3.  If you could choose to be any fantasy animal, you’d be:
a.  Godzilla, only I’d be flying one of those human f*cker’s planes.  BWAAA HAHAHAHAHA take that you little minions!
b.  A fluffy bunny in a sunny field full of pretty flowers
c.  I went as Winnie the Pooh on Halloween once, but it rained.
d.  Oh, you know, whatever no one else wants to be.  It’ll be fine.
e.  The one that just got turned into a zombie and is chasing whoever wrote this idiot test.

4.  Your Gramma, the Pope, a kitten, and, um, Hitler are in a boat.    Who said what:
a.  “No, not Hitler, that’s so over done and, really, stereotyping.  Must you have a bad guy?”
b.  “Oh, yeah?? Who thinks it’s overdone?  I can use Hitler if I want, dammit.”
c.  “Now, everyone, let’s be nice and cooperate.”
d.  “OH!  I know!  I know!  The boat sinks!”
e.  “Look, I’m not putting up with this sh*t and this test is stupid.”

5.  You decide you need to start meditating.  You’ll be a better person for it, don’t you think?  Your meditation word is:
a.  I think it’s “maybe”
b.  I’ve been meditating for at least a minute and this is bull*&^!
c.  My spirit word is never to be revealed.
d.  I think I have one, it’s around here somewhere, hold tight.
e.  My word is STOOPID.  Why am I still taking this STUPID test??

6.  Go-to reward:
a.  Beer
b.  Ginseng tea
c.  Shooting range
d.  Well, whatever you think would be good
e.  Beer at the shooting range

7.  You’ve been thinking some type of regular exercise would be a good thing.  What do you decide to do?
a.  I have a personal yogini already
b.  Jogging sounds nice, that could work
c.  Shooting range
d.  I’ll probably get injured, maybe I’ll just stay home.
e.  Bludgeoning bloggers.

8.  You are lost, alone on a small island in the middle of the sea.  What book do you wish you had to read?
a.  First Aid
b.  The Bible
c.  How to build a boat
d.  How to swim
e.  How to grow coffee and machetes

9.  Ideal vacation.
a.  Zombieland
b.  Disneyland
c.  Well, I don’t want to fly anywhere.  They always lose my luggage.
d.  Anywhere I can be with my loved ones.
e.  Xanax.  Lots.

10.  You will recommend this extremely accurate and helpful test to how many of your friends?
a.  Are you sh*tting me?
b.  I’m not sure.  I like my friends.
c.  All of them!  We’ll all take it TOGETHER!  It will be so nice!  We’ll Bond in Harmony and Joy!
d.  I think I’ll wait and see how I do, first.
e.  Are you f*$%’ing sh*tting me?

RESULTS.  Give yourself the allotted points for each answer:

Question 1:
a = 3
b = 1
c = 4
d = 2
e = 5

Question 2:
a = 1
b = 2
c = 4
d = 3
e = 10

Question 3:
a = 4
b = 1
c = 3
d = 2
e = 15

Question 4:
a = 1
b = 4
c = 3
d = 2
e = 20

Question 5:
a = 3
b = 4
c = 1
d = 2
e = 25

Question 6:
a = 2
b = 1
c = 4
d = 3
e = 30

Question 7:
a = 1
b = 2
c = 4
d = 3
e = 35

Question 8:
a = 3
b = 1
c = 4
d = 2
e = 40

Question 9:
a = 4
b = 2
c = 3
d = 1
e = 45

Question 10:
a = 4
b = 2
c = 1
d = 3
e = 100

If you scored:
1-10 Points:  It doesn’t matter because you’re up in the clouds meditating.  This test and all it represents is a false reality.  You are:  ZEN
11-20 Points:  Ah, it’s fine.  Whatever, things usually work out, I’m fine with that.  You are:  OK Most of the Time.
21-30 Points:  Seriously, you knew this wasn’t going to work, didn’t you?  You almost quit halfway through. You are: What’s it Matter?  It Will Never Work Anyway
31-40 Points:  You have a lot of buttons.  Do you know that?  You do.  And people push them.  All the Damn Time.  You are:  Don’t Push My Buttons!!!
41-1,000 Points:  YOU WIN! YOU WIN!  YOU ARE AWESOME!!  You see through the falsities of humanity, the treacle, the drudgery, the aimless wandering of the soul.
YOU ARE DANGER WILL ROBINSON

Here’s your prize, which you can obtain at this link for $3.73 plus S&H.  Buy yourself a coffee cup too, I don’t care.  I don’t give a SH*T because I don’t like your attitude.

danger_will_robinson_button

This IS my Happy Face.

Here follows a riveting, step-by-step recap of last weekend’s rain-athlon.  You’ll laugh.  You’ll cry.  You’ll be forever changed.  You’ll never get this four minutes back.

After taking most of Thursday to get my head back on, I did well Friday.   It finally came down to the fact that I couldn’t face being a wimp.  It came down to ego.  Facing the triathlon was the lesser of two evils.  I needed the bragging rights, I couldn’t sit home pouting while everyone else put on their big pants and did the race.  Plus – did I mention? – they have free beer.

Once I figured that out and got moving I felt better.  I got organized, printed a triathlon check list and realized I’d done well getting everything arranged and packed.  The alarm went off at 4am, the car was loaded and we were set to go.  Weather.com never changed its mind; this is what our drive to Tunica looked like:

rainy

 That’s rain, not a crappy picture.  Although it is also a crappy picture.  Hey – it was 5am and I was only on my third coffee.

I stalled on the Happy Face a bit when we arrived, getting out of the car in 52 degrees of windy rain.  We set up my transition in the rain and mud and went into the hotel to stay as warm and dry as we could until the start.  The lobby was full of people in varying stages of concern, irritation, or resignation, making me not the only one with the Idonwannas.  One of my friends walked out and went home.  I felt slightly envious.

Sitting on the lobby floor I wrestled with the now sentient and obviously reluctant wetsuit which, as I pulled at the rubberized neoprene, continuously snapped back into its original shape like a new rubber band, clinging to my calves as I pulled and stretched with increasing effort.  I finally got the reluctant thing – I’m pretty sure it wasn’t any happier than the rest of us –  about halfway up my thighs.  Standing, I jumped in place and tugged on the suit, because jumping up and down helps?  At one point I got my arms into the arm holes but couldn’t stand straight because the crotch was still halfway up my thighs.  Normally this type of thing would be a bit embarrassing, bent in half, in public, captive to a large stretchy garment of rubber, but everyone else was doing the same dance.

The best part?  When I finally got it on, found a stranger to zip me and was able to stand straight?  I had to go to the bathroom.  And it wasn’t optional.

Thank you, nice lady in the bathroom, whom I’ve never met before, because with my hair smashed inside the rubber swimming condom and my body squished flatter than a pancake you looked for a moment as though someone was not in the correct restroom, and yet you didn’t scream.

thankyou

Waiting for the start, standing in barefoot in the wet, muddy grass in a sleeveless wetsuit and 52-degree rain made the jump into 68-degree water feel nice.  Even nicer, I felt no fear of the swim.  I wasn’t much faster than last year, in fact it seemed to take much longer – because this time I knew where I was going? – but I made it.  I ran through the squishy muddy grass to my transition site.   The wetsuit that didn’t want me is now my best friend, “please, I love you, don’t leave me” and I plopped in the mud, finally jerking it off my feet, pulling socks on over the mud – who cared at this point – and crammed on my bike shoes.

Running through the grassy muddy transition I worried about all the stuff that could get crammed in my cleats and if I’d be able to clip in, but the Gods of Rainy Triathlons provided a handy-dandy shoe washing station:

IMG_0660

 That’s not me ^^

This is me:

MIM tri v.2

This IS my Happy Face ^^
(DISCLAIMER – I am not a member of the Very Awesome Thunder Tri Team, but Kat C. loaned me this jacket to stay warm on the bike.  See?  Awesome people.)

The bike was great!  I was hitting 20 – 21 mph!  It was so easy!  No strain, quads kicking in and not complaining, calves are silent – maybe it’s a miracle?  I’ve had a miraculous cycling miracle with my 2014 training plan of four bike rides?  This is AWESOME!  I’m golden!  I’m like … in a shitton of trouble, turning left halfway through the bike into a straight-on headwind blowing misty rain in my face.  I dropped from 20mph to 10 in about 13 seconds.  A woman in my age group passed me and disappeared into the distance.  Dammit.

If you’ve never done a run following a bike ride, even a really slow bike ride, it’s weird.  Cycling cadence is much higher than a run cadence; your legs get used to going round and round faster than usual, so when you head out on the run it feels like you’re still slogging through the mud of transition, yet you’re gasping for air, doing a 100-count-per-minute cadence.  It seems to take most of the first mile to get the message to my legs that they can relax now.  I managed to pass the lady who’d passed me on the bike and came into the chute knowing I’d left everything on the course, finishing 6 minutes slower than last year, all of it lost on the bike.

Saturday afternoon sitting around the pool with everyone I found myself thinking, “I could still register for tomorrow’s Olympic distance”, and I considered it for a moment, before realizing I was completely untrained for it.  I knew, given my sincere desire not to injure this year, that  it was a bad idea.  But if I were trained up enough…

WTH??

AT&T: How I Learned to Stop Internet and Love Tech Help

A few miles south of the Canada/North Dakota border there is a field in which cattle roam among the remains of a Depression-era farm, three sides of an ancient barn leaning nearly perpendicular and the crumbled circular foundation of a corn silo the only evidence of a life or lives long gone.

Or are they?

Look closer.  That crumbled foundation is a clever disguise hiding the rumored-but-never-proven Top Secret Headquarters of the AT&T Customer Service Department.

Deep below the earth are two pale, thin men.  Men who spent their high school years winning the Science Fair and inventing robots to do their Spanish homework.  Men who, despite their most sincere efforts, could not fathom the intricacies of asking a female to the Prom, reduced to quivering, slavering mutes.

These are the few, the special, the cream of the technical service industry crop, carefully vetted by the “Home Ec” teacher, in actuality a member of the top echelon at ATT Customer Service.

Years of secrecy, years of scrabbling up the TechServ ladder, learning to play those life-or-death politics, the two men became a team so bonded, so close they finished each other’s sentences, “Thank you for calling AT” “& T”.  Seamless.  Desperately plotting, playing the dirty warfare of TechServ, they eventually triumphed.

Finally they landed in this North Dakota field, 20 degrees below zero, wind screaming, blinding snow blowing sideways; a moment etched forever in their collective mind.  This was their nadir, their Olympic Gold, their Stanley Cup.   Down, down they descended, thousands of feet, emerging from the elevator into a brightly lit hallway, Muzak softly playing their team song, “Muskrat Love.”

Daily they review US hot spots.  Is there an energy crunch?  Snow/ice storm?  Season Finals or the Golden Globes?  Tax time?  This morning they peered gleefully over the reports, clapping their fish-belly-pale hands and bouncing on their little toes.  “OH, lookie, um, ‘BENJAMIN'”, one tech squealed, “ICE!  SNOW!  Hundreds of thousands affected!”

“Benjamin” trilled, “Oh, um, ‘SAMUEL’, how awesome!  And – it’s  Monday too!”

“Benjamin” and “Samuel”, clutching their AT&T 1998 “A Team” mugs full of weak, tepid tea, headed to the console, all the while sighing happy little squeeeees.

The console was blinking like the Rockefeller Square Christmas Tree and the boys knew very well what that meant, millions of customers pressing 1 for service, 2 for billing, 3 for a new account, painstakingly entering their 10-digit service number on the minuscule screens of their cell phones, only to be asked to re-enter the number for security purposes.  A happy little shiver went up their spines and they giggled.

OH, no – it always happened.  As good as the boys are, and they are the best, someone always manages to get through eventually.  It’s usually an accident although mashing the zero button 32 times will always work – but few people know about that one.

“Thank you for calling AT&T customer service where we are here to serve your customer needs may I have the number about which you are calling?”

“Thank you.  And is there another number I can reach you should we get …”

“oops,” they giggle, remembering first grade and that incident with their underwear.

The boys know there are always a few – usually the ones who’ve had far too much strong coffee – who will return, and they are prepared for that.  It’s not for nothing they are here, sealed below the earth forever, turning paler and paler, marking names off in the 10,000,000 Baby Names for Your Child book.

“Thank you for calling AT&T customer service where we are here to serve your customer needs may I have the number about which you are calling?”

“Thank you.  Is there another number I can reach you should we get disconnected?”

“Thank you.  What seems to be the issue today?”

“Thank you.  I understand that you are saying you have no service?”

“Thank you.  I understand you have had an ice storm there and believe that your service has been interrupted due to that and you simply want to report the issue.  Please hold one minute while I test your line.”

“Thank you.   I have tested your line and have determined that the issue is that you have no service.”

“Thank you.   I understand you have had an ice storm there and believe that your service has been interrupted due to that and you simply want to report the issue. Have you unplugged everything, stood on your head, stuck carrots in your ears and whistled ‘Dixie’?”

“Thank you.   I see that you have indeed stood on your head, stuck carrots in your ears and whistled ‘Dixie’.   Am I correct that this did not resolve your problem?”

“Thank you.   I understand you have had an ice storm there and believe that your service has been interrupted due to that and you simply want to report the issue.   Please unplug everything again, this time count to 100 in German and turn three times clicking your heels.”

“Thank you.  I see that you have indeed counted to 100 in German while turning three times clicking your heals.  Am I correct that this did not resolve your problem?”

“Thank you.  I understand you have had an ice storm there and believe that your service has been interrupted due to that and you simply want to report the issue.  Oh, please, Mrs. Clarke, please don’t make that noise.”

Benjamin snickers.  He hears the Keurig engage and the sound of a thumb being sucked.

“Thank you.  I’ve scheduled your service appointment for Thursday, Juvember 32nd.  Thank you for calling AT&T, I hope I have been helpful.  You will soon get an automated phone call to determine the level of service you’ve received.  Please consider giving me “Excellent” in every category as anything else will not count and my paralyzed child, Little Timmy, will starve.  Have a nice day.”

Little Merry Sunshine Part 2

There actually is a blog titled  Little Merry Sunshine  and it’s much cheerier than my Merry Sunshine. If you’re in the same mood as I am this morning you need to head over there right now and read it for about fourteen hours.

It’s fine, I’ll wait.  I have coffee.

Ok, are you done?  Do you feel better?

I don’t.  As you both know, my brain is broken.  I keep trying to fix it, I really do, and I won’t give up.  There are simply times it’s harder to keep trying.

The blogger above (I do think she must be a very nice person) was apparently such a happy child she even smiled when she slept.

I, on the other hand, was the (not) sleeping child who, when I could not stand it a moment longer and my bladder was about to burst, stood on the bed, leapt to the doorway, ran to the bathroom, speed peed and dashed back to the bedroom doorway to leap back onto the bed.

I did this so the man who lived under my bed could not grab my leg and pull me under the bed.

It was never clear what would happen after that, life would end or I’d live forever in a black hole, I’m unsure.  All I knew was I would be sucked into a dark and never-ending vortex.

Lately it’s been dark endless days that morph into darker nights as we shiver through the effects of psycho polar vortexes, grey cloudy cold days of endless rain pouring down from dark endless clouds.  The fun of hunkering down, making soup, reading in the comfy chair, knitting while watching TV in the evening has waned to microscopic.

What happens if someone scares you?  Maybe you think you’re alone in the house, knitting endless scarves watching the news and waiting to make dinner, but actually hubs is home from work and you didn’t hear him come in (Early Warning System is asleep on the couch).  He walks into the room to say hi and you jump out of the chair, heart pounding.  What’s the first thing that happens?  Do you feel angry?

I do.  I get pissed because I got scared.

And there you have it.

The whirling vortex of Brain has settled on the OH SHIT button and keeps stomping.  Well sh*t.  When is the last time we ran and it didn’t hurt?  That would be … Brain counts on its fingers … 19 months ago, yeppers.  JeZUS in your little hay filled CRIB, shut UP Brain!

Making the bed, little twinges, ouch, step, ouch, step.  Why is my foot still sore?  Is it another stress reaction?  There is my running gear, laid out three days ago.  Still folded, still on the chair.  Maybe I’ll run later this morning.  I should take my phone in case there is something wrong.  He said it would be easier to break another bone for a while.  I could call Becky if something happened.  Maybe I should go to the Center and run on the treadmill instead.  Maybe I’ll do that.  Later. Like, next Juvember.

I, however, am holding an ace:  I have BRFF’s who pop up on messages telling me to drag my whiny ass over to their house at 8:15 and they don’t want to hear the ‘feel like’ temp, put on some woolies and gloves, get your butt here and we’re going for a run.

YAY! We’re going for  RUN!

ramona quimby

“I am too a Merry Sunshine,” insisted Ramona (and she) got down from the table and ran …

Addendum
Furthest I’ve run since 11.9.13
A little slow.  Took a couple walk breaks.  Waited on a couple red lights.
Cold and breezy.  After a while I couldn’t feel my quads.
It was perfect.

IMG_0100

Farting Cows Barn Explosion, F-Bombs, the world is a wonderful place.

I can’t make this stuff up, kids.

Tags: Barn Explodes Farting Cows, Farting Cows Barn Explosion, Farting Cows Make Barn Explode,Farting Cows Make Barn Explode Germany, Weird Germany, Weird News

BERLIN (AP) — A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the animals caused an explosion.

Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, on Monday at a farm in Rasdorf. The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns. No people were hurt.

Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn’t clear why quantities of methane had built up. Bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas.

But it’s all right now, in fact, it’s a gas!
But it’s all right. I’m Jumpin Jack Flash,
It’s a gas! gas! gas! 

While looking for Mick having a gas gas gas on youtube I stumbled across this gem, apparently a new commercial for Audi.  I hope they weren’t saving it for the SuperBowl or something because if so I’ve blown their surprise.

Doberhuahua.  Now that’s fun to say.  Doberhuahua.  Cute little dog … at first …

HAHAHAHA I keep snorting, laughing, thinking about the cows blowing up the barn and escaping, a Doberhuahua rounding them back up.

Another friend shared this, which is awesome – a bunch of people getting together, encouraging each other, doing it for free, and … well placed F-BOMBS!  Perfection, and many thanks to “Steve”.  Watch it now and you’ll want to pull on your longies and woolies and head out at once.

Have fun with that, I’m not going to, I’m only starting mug #2 and you both know the world is not safe until I’m close to the bottom of mug #3.  This morning I started out with Chocolate Glazed Donut and topped the remains with Creme Brulee so I have a chocolatey-carameley concoction fueling me for a visit with Killer in a bit.  Gonna jog on the treadmill, first run since Friday.  I think I’m nearly done coughing up body parts.  This is the cold that never ends.  It goes on and on my friends…

And on a quick visit to my frenemy, weather.com, I am dryly informed that in Memfo Tennessee is it currently 4 degrees.  It feels like 4 degrees, and it is very cold.

4°F
FEELS LIKE 4°
Clear
Very cold.

With this I leave you my friends.  Stay warm wherever you are, and be sure to ventilate your barn properly.

It’ssssssssss MONDAY ….

*shhhh* if we’re all very very very quiet maybe Monday will not see us.

Try to get small and inconsequential.

Today’s weather update, Boy and Girl, is currently 29 degrees and our high will be …. wait for it … 29 degrees with winds of 19-23 mph.  Maybe if I stand at one end of the yard with an open bag the leaves will blow themselves into it?  And I’m on the fence about a run.  I don’t have any training plans right now so there’s less motivation if the weather isn’t nice.  Maybe later today I will dig around the back of my closet and see if I can find my Mojo.  It’s got to be around here somewhere, and it’s apparently not in the three cups of coffee I’ve brewed at The Shrine so far today.

Meanwhile, one of my progeny is currently walking to the train in Chitown where it’s zero with a -18 feel like temp.  So there, whiny Terri.

Actually it’s pretty out – a ridge of grey clouds edged with white are lined catty-corner along the sky behind the trees across the cove.  The trees are tinged golden from the sun rising behind me, all the colors warm and soft.

lake1.27.14While I was outside to the get the picture a robin landed on the fence, watching me.

As a girl I read The Secret Garden at least a half dozen times.  Every week we had Library time.  It was my favorite part of the week.  Once I was in the school library looking for the book, but I could not remember the title (I guess it was a Secret?).  I knew about where it was located on the shelves so I just started at one end and looked at every book spine, knowing I’d recognize it when I saw it.  The librarian came over, “Do you need some help?”

“Yes, I’m looking for a book.”

“Do you know which book?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the title?”

“I don’t know.”

I could sense her skepticism, but just then I saw it.

“There it is!” I grabbed the book from the shelf.

I could feel her watch me walking off, and I may have only been in 3rd grade, but I know suspicion when it runs up my spine.

Anyway, if you have read the Secret Garden you know that a robin is one of the main characters.  I’ve loved robins ever since, although I don’t remember seeing one until I was an adult.  Surely there are robins in Phoenix?  Oh, well.

So today’s start was auspicious with the appearance of the robin when I randomly went outside to take a picture of the horizon for this rambling, nonsensical post.

The.  End.

♫This is the Blahg♬ that never ends♫♪

This is the Blahg that never ends.♬
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started reading it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because . . .
This is the Blahg that never ends.♬
Yes, it goes on and on my friends.
Some people started reading it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because . . .

GOOD MORNING!  HAPPY FRIDAY!  IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!

mr Rogers

I found this online, it’s a t-shirt, in case you’re feeling nostalgic.

4°F
FEELS LIKE 4°
Very cold.
(intones weather.com)

MR. ROGERS FLIPPING

And take that, weather.com.

(Before you have a heart attack, Mr. Rogers is playing “Where is Thumkin”.   This made my day even though it took several minutes to quit choking from laughter when I first saw it.  I love Mr. R, gentle soul.)

Anyway, I’m so happy, I can’t stand it.  Brain decided to make use of visiting rights and showed up for a while yesterday, struggling to make itself heard thought the 87 pounds of snot muffling everything in my head.  I’m sure it wasn’t easy for Brain.   I think of Indiana Jones fighting his way through many adventures.

indiana jones

“Don’t look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don’t look at it, no matter what happens!”

Brain 1 frequently feels this way.  “OMG don’t look,” it thinks, watching me come up with yet another great idea, like going for a run in four degree weather, with only half of my lungs showing up for work today and the aforementioned snot.

“HEY, let’s have some more coffee!” Brain suggests to distract me, so off I trot to the Shrine, happily perusing my little stash, rubbing my hands together, chortling.

Chocolate Glazed Donut?  Creme Brulee?  Mocca Chocolata Ya Ya Creole Lady Marmalade?

mocha chocolatta

OK, you have to admit that’s pretty random and funny.

So instead of running outside I got to Killer’s early and did a couple miles on the treadmill (Mocca Chocolata Ya Ya Creole Lady Marmalade circling, stuck in Brain).  Then Killer lived up to her name, trying to kill me and my co-training crazy friend whom I shall refer to as … um, “Brenda”, who is looney enough to also enjoy working out with Killer.  “Brenda” was a bit put out when Killer informed us that I would not have to do the 2nd plank and would do some upper body instead.  I stuck my thumbs in my ears and waggled my fingers behind Killer’s back Nanner Nanner!  “Brenda” stuck her tongue out at me.  Killer showed me what I would be doing.  “Brenda” very childishly stuck her thumbs her ears and waggled her fingers.  “HA!  You thought the plank was tough!”

Brat.  Dammit.  And then Killer made me do another plank anyway.

Now I’ve had a lovely lunch, the sun is shining, we have a heat wave of 25 degrees (feel like temp 20) and weather.com did not have any additional comments at this time.

So – that’s it.  You just wasted 5 minutes you’ll never get back, perhaps four if you read fast.   GET BACK TO WORK.

This is the Blahg that never ends.♬
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started reading it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because . . .
This is the Blahg that never ends.♬
Yes, it goes on and on my friend.
Some people started reading it not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue reading it forever just because . . .

Discover New Blogs!

Liebster

I woke yesterday to a very nice surprise when Ashley at http://onedreamymess.wordpress.com/ nominated me for the LEIBSTER award!  Ashley lists coffee first in her list of likes, and also mentions she likes a little hot chocolate with her marshmallows, so you know immediately she is an intelligent person with extremely good taste.  So saying, WTH is the girl doing following my blog??

And, yet, she does, and apparently she has good meds.

JUST kidding … check her blog – tons of helpful hints about training, nutrition and healthy living!

Liebster award ~ this award is meant to generate attention for new or upcoming bloggers.

The rules are:

  • Acknowledge the nominating blogger
  • Answer 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you
  • 11 random facts about yourself
  • List some bloggers with fewer than 200 followers that you really feel deserve a little blogging love!
  • Let all of the bloggers know you’ve nominated them. You cannot nominate the blogger that nominated you!
  • Post 11 questions for the bloggers you’ve nominated to answer.

Here are Ashley’s questions to me:

1.  What began your love for fitness & health?
I’ve been ‘running’ since my twenties because it seemed the right thing to do, stay healthy, burn a few calories; I would just set out on the street in front of my house and run through the neighborhood, no training, no fuel, no plans.  Ten or twelve years ago I got involved in a running group that helped me train for my first half marathon and then my first full.  I learned about warm up/cool down, pacing, fueling and felt like a “real” runner for the first time.  But my real love for running, fitness and most of all runners and the running community began when I luckily fell into my job as administrative secretary for Memphis Runner’s Track Club.  Interacting with all these awesome people has convinced me that healthy, fit people are happier people.  Or, crazy.

2.  What is my favorite workout?
Right now going for a run pain-free would be heaven.  I have been able run three times since November when I broke my foot, so I can’t complain.  I will probably run today, I just can’t decide to do it outside, with a ‘feel like’ temp of 11 degrees and the remains of a cold in my chest, or if I will hit the dreadmill.  Or just drink more coffee, which is sounding good right now.  I think my favorite workout is long training runs with friends.  18-20 miles running on the Greenway or out in the county on back roads, slow and easy, talking about everything, seeing the trees, old abandoned houses with green growing through the roof, counting road kill, trying to find a place for an emergency pit stop.  And then, days later, meeting for lunch and crying laughing as we recount the escapades to our friends while the rest of the diners watch us warily.

3.  What is my favorite indulgence for dessert?
Oddly as I get older my desire for sweets has waned.  But I’ll happily take you out if you bogart the crème brulee.

4.  If I won a trip to go anywhere, regardless of cost, where would it be?
The British Isles and Europe by rail, with a hike along the Pennine Way.  Definitely a big dream of mine!

5.  Favorite outdoor activity?
Other than running, sitting poolside with some friends and a very cold beer.

6.  If I could have lunch with any famous person alive or passed away who would it be?
Maybe Robin Williams except I’m sure I couldn’t keep up with him.  I’d probably have to skip eating food because the insane laughter would not aid digestion.  If it were anyone, famous or not, I would choose my brother.

7.  Go-to music genre for pump-up workout?
Classic Rock.  Queen, AC/DC, etc., and then throw in Pink.

8.  President for a whole year or Superman for one day?
Since I would not be President willingly for even a nanosecond, I guess it has to be Superman.  Can I pick Wonder Woman instead?

9.  Where do I shop for workout clothes?
Local running stores, sometimes online if I can’t find what I need.

10.  Morning person or night owl?
Morning person – but only after I have coffee in my hand.  Even the dog waits.

11.  If it were possible to travel through time, would I speed up to the future or flash back to the past?
Totally flash back.  I have a shitton of stuff I’d like to give myself a heads-up about.

Eleven Random Facts About Me:

1.  I was born in Winslow, Arizona.  Not on the corner, though.
2.  I have a runner girl tattoo.  I love her.
3.  I have a really hard time coming up with eleven random facts about myself.
4.  Because, mostly, everything about me is already all over FB and blogging.
5.  I have eleven toes.
6.  I was a complete, total, utter nerd in school.
7.  But not a smart nerd.  Just a nerd nerd.
8.  Somehow, at some time in my life, I was lucky enough to realize it really just doesn’t matter.
9.  Favorite indulgence food is … Taco Bell.  *hanging head* I know…
10.  I’ve hiked to the river and back at the Grand Canyon in a day, a couple times.
11.  One of these random facts is a lie.

My Nominations:

http://runswimbikediversify.wordpress.com/  Becky, a comrade in arms, a certifiable #crazynutjobrunner, is also a triathlete who has already completed a Half Ironman and is now training for her second because she just can’t get enough of the RDA of crazy.

http://elingsjourney.blogspot.com/  Eling, like Becky, is another one who can’t get enough and is not ‘just’ a runner but a triathlete.  Like Becky and Julianne she is on a continuing journey toward fitness and if you need a bit of motivation she’s one to turn to!

http://middleagedwomanontherun.com/ Julianne is not a true newbie, she’s been around for a bit but I’m adding her as she is still striving to do her first full since St. Jude was cancelled this past December.  Are you struggling?  Need a lift?  Check her out!

http://chocolatemedals.com/ Ashley is a runner on a great healthy journey, newlywed and living in Colorado.  Through her I can live vicariously in Colorado and see awesome pics of food that I drool over.

http://smallislandrunner.wordpress.com/ I don’t know how I got lucky enough to stumble across this blog, or maybe she found mine first (too bad for her but a stroke of luck for me), but this blog is a BLAST – Ella is a novice runner who is living in Jersey (and I don’t mean New Jersey) for a year.  I am vicariously living on this beautiful little island through her as she works toward her goal of running every road on the isle.

Nominees – here are your questions:

1. Why did you decide to start blogging?
2. If you could run any race in the world without worrying about cost, which would you choose?
3.  How did you get started running (or your fitness choice)?
4.  What is the funniest/weirdest thing you’ve seen/had happen on a run?
5.  Favorite post-workout indulgence?
6.  Music or purist, and if music, what’s your favorite?
7.  Dreadmill or 25 degrees/10 degree feel-like temp?  Dreadmill or 98 degrees and 98% humidity?
8.  Go-to Mantra when it gets tough?
9.  Morning or evening workout and why?
10.  Best pre-run/workout fuel?
11.  Favorite cross-training?

Karma, or Enter the Spawn.

no life without water

Having birthed the spawn of satan into the world on a napalm flow of snot for the better part of the day yesterday and later coughing out the rest of his minions through my lungs I’m a bit worn out today; copious amounts of coffee are just as spitting in the wind.  On the plus side I got an abs of steel workout without buying a DVD.  Another notch on the plus side:  I can see again.  Thank God it appears Vicks Vaporub is not fatal to eyeballs.  Also it is, indeed, possible to “Cry Me A River”.

“So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn’t think that they would come crashing down, no.”

That’s where I went wrong, once again flying high on getting a run Thursday and immediately taking a chance, making more plans (this run is good!  I’m back!  OK, Friday I’ll do this and Saturday I’ll do that and Sunday it will be …) only to crash to earth Friday morning, victim of human frailty and satan-worshiping germs as the Virus From Hell wrapped me in its evil embrace.  BWAAAHAHAHAHA it chortled as I choked, lungs aflame.  GO AHEAD!  MAKE PLANS!  BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!

atomic blast

Yesterday when I woke it appeared I was (mostly) done coughing and, unaware a lava flow was busy heating up inside my head, I failed to realize why I was feeling down, instead blaming it on the fact that my friends were lining up at the Swampstomper start and I wasn’t.  A couple hours later I realized as far as Swampstomper went it’s just as well I broke my foot unless the karma gods, if I hadn’t broken my foot, would have spared me this cold; either way, not running because of the foot or trying to run with a healthy foot but this cold, it’s obvious that race was not meant for me this year.  Never trust the karma gods. 

It’s disheartening to realize, as I do occasionally before I can force myself to forget again, that the first day I ran pain-free since July 2012 was the same day I broke my foot.  Those first two miles – my brain singing the Hallelujah Chorus  (which you need to watch right now because I just watched it again and it’s going to be a few minutes before I can type much since I’m crying coughing choking laughing, so you have a break) – those first two miles, pain-free!  I floated, gloating, certain I’d found the cure, that running Nirvana is now MINE MINE MINE, clutching the joy … and then I took one more step, too greedy – but those two miles – they were heaven.

It’s human nature, I suppose, to continue to think surely this is the day, certainly it will be like it used to be or even better.

If this thought is based upon some provable fact, yay, you’re right.  “Today will be sunny.  See?  There’s the sun, shining.”  Additionally the odds are you do not live in Memphis.

If this is based on cheerful hope, you are an optimist.  “Today will be sunny, ” you think, living in Memphis, you foolish fool.

If this is based on a belief in some type of cosmic lottery which says at some point it will be time to ease up on any given person, it’s idiocy.  “It’s rained for 24 hours, surely the sun will shine in Memphis today.”

karma gods

Although I’m not really sure what the cats did to piss off Karma I think I should check the closet.  I bet they pooped in my shoes.

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