Ah, wait. That’s me that’s been missing.
Sorry there, Boy and Girl, deepest heartfelt apologies and all that blather. Kinda lost focus and direction for a while.
Wait. Let’s look at this another way. I refocused and recommitted. Rather than New Year “Resolutions” I prefer the term New Year “Recommitments”. Like many, as the year wanes I look back: what I hoped to achieve, how I went about it, were the goals met? If so, how? If not, why?
I started 2013 the same way I am starting 2014 – injured. My goals for the year were a marathon and a 50K, working up to 58K spring 2014. Hubs wisely refrained from arguing with a brick wall and said nothing of the loftiness of those goals in view of the fact I’d run about three times in the past three months.
The goal should probably have been to get healthy, but I didn’t know how since I didn’t know what was wrong, I only knew pain. And I was trying to get better, I just didn’t know how. BRFF “Becky” found Dr. W who was a huge help on the journey, and I kept moving in the right direction, albeit with a few side jaunts. As I repeatedly discover, you do learn something new nearly every day. It may only be that you were wrong again, but, heck – learned, right? A year later I know that it was not a matter of doing things wrong, it was a matter of time for things to come together. I’m very hopeful that what I’ve learned and the places and people I’ve been led to are a solid part of the solution. That, and a bit more time. Thank God I’m at peace, for today, at taking a bit more time.
Two days ago I ran a total of 25 minutes easy, with walk breaks and adding 5 minute walking w/u c/d for a total of 35 minutes/3 miles – the first time I’d run outside exactly 10 weeks. I’d done a mile or two on the treadmill a couple times earlier in the week. I figured that was safest, if anything happened I wouldn’t be half a mile from home. Well, actually I would, I’d be further – at the Center – but I’d have the car, right? I can hop to the car. I’d look like an idiot, of course.
“Oh, look at that lady hoping down the hallway on one foot.”
“Well, Madge, maybe it’s a new fitness routine. Let’s check the schedule.”
“I don’t think we should, Maude, the ‘girls’ would be flopping mightily.”
“True, Madge, true. We could get a concussion.”
So, I ran. It was glorious. Bright shiny day, cold, breezy, I ran my favorite route looking at the skeletal trees, leaves thick on the ground, the drainage stream crisply frozen on the edges. Running slowly I looked up at the beautifully twisted bare branches making sculpture against the bright sky, sharp curling grey-ish shapes against the dazzling blue. This is really why I do it. All those horrible hot days, the runs that feel like I’m slogging through mud, the days I feel like my head and body are not even connected, there is no communication, legs or lungs go on strike singly or in unison, those days are for this day, completely aware of life surrounding me, enveloping me, fully alive in this living breathing world.