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Archive for the tag “weather.com”

Farting Cows Barn Explosion, F-Bombs, the world is a wonderful place.

I can’t make this stuff up, kids.

Tags: Barn Explodes Farting Cows, Farting Cows Barn Explosion, Farting Cows Make Barn Explode,Farting Cows Make Barn Explode Germany, Weird Germany, Weird News

BERLIN (AP) — A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the animals caused an explosion.

Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, on Monday at a farm in Rasdorf. The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns. No people were hurt.

Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn’t clear why quantities of methane had built up. Bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas.

But it’s all right now, in fact, it’s a gas!
But it’s all right. I’m Jumpin Jack Flash,
It’s a gas! gas! gas! 

While looking for Mick having a gas gas gas on youtube I stumbled across this gem, apparently a new commercial for Audi.  I hope they weren’t saving it for the SuperBowl or something because if so I’ve blown their surprise.

Doberhuahua.  Now that’s fun to say.  Doberhuahua.  Cute little dog … at first …

HAHAHAHA I keep snorting, laughing, thinking about the cows blowing up the barn and escaping, a Doberhuahua rounding them back up.

Another friend shared this, which is awesome – a bunch of people getting together, encouraging each other, doing it for free, and … well placed F-BOMBS!  Perfection, and many thanks to “Steve”.  Watch it now and you’ll want to pull on your longies and woolies and head out at once.

Have fun with that, I’m not going to, I’m only starting mug #2 and you both know the world is not safe until I’m close to the bottom of mug #3.  This morning I started out with Chocolate Glazed Donut and topped the remains with Creme Brulee so I have a chocolatey-carameley concoction fueling me for a visit with Killer in a bit.  Gonna jog on the treadmill, first run since Friday.  I think I’m nearly done coughing up body parts.  This is the cold that never ends.  It goes on and on my friends…

And on a quick visit to my frenemy, weather.com, I am dryly informed that in Memfo Tennessee is it currently 4 degrees.  It feels like 4 degrees, and it is very cold.

4°F
FEELS LIKE 4°
Clear
Very cold.

With this I leave you my friends.  Stay warm wherever you are, and be sure to ventilate your barn properly.

Blahging

Weather.com and DirecTV got divorced, did you know?  If you ever visit weather.com you’d know, it’s still whining about it like a 16-year-old getting dumped for the first time (not to negate that experience, it feels like your heart got torn out sans meds) but it’s a TV STATION doing BUSINESS, not a teenage girl.  But, then, and as you know, I don’t like weather.com.

Well, Terri, you continue to visit weather.com, don’t you?

Why, yes, I do.  And I’m irritated every single time.  Partly because it’s still the best site I can find for quick weather info.  Details, go to NOAA.gov, but a quick and dirty look, it’s still the fall back.  Plus, just when I’m about to try dating someone else – again – weather.com hits my funny bone which is a quick way to my heart.  This morning w.c announces dryly:

16°F
FEELS LIKE 16°
Much colder than yesterday.

HAHAHAHA!  No kidding?  OK then, I didn’t know.  Sixteen is more than 28, at least in weather world.

you know it's cold.

I told you so

Since I’m still feeling rather blah and it appears my batteries are mostly run out I’m not planning to run today.  I’m not sad that I can’t run in this cold, since it’s much colder than yesterday but it does bug me I’m losing bragging rights.  Yeah, I ran when it was 16, no big.  I’m tough, that’s how I roll.  I ran it in shorts and a jog bra.  Barefoot.  Because that’s how I roll, too.

I’m lying.

No one is ever going to see me running in just shorts and a jog bra.  If the house is on fire I will wait inside.  No, really, I’m fine, thank you Mr. Fireman, can I borrow your shirt?

Nope, the Cold from Hell lingers like a creepy ex-boyfriend determined that deep in my heart I really do want him to take me to Prom.  Yes, you’re taking my breath away but not quite the way you’re hoping.

This morning I saw Lucia, who does Structural Integration.  She is even tinier than Killer, which should be impossible for an adult but there you go, and she’s just as nice as Killer too.  You wouldn’t think about 100 pounds of female could do much damage but she’s like a Ninja trained in all the secret spots that will take you DOWN.  Last week was very interesting.  I had some muscles that were being stubborn (where the hell they got that from, I don’t know) and about half way through she said, “you may need to take nap today.”

OK.  That’s sort of like a doctor’s order, right?  I’m going to have to take a nap today.  I was instructed to.  It’s legal.  Nanner nanner.

Turns out it wasn’t optional.  I got home and thought I was getting the flu even though I actually got the flu shot this year.

I’m kidding.  I get the shot every year.

(No I don’t, I just put that there in case Hubs ever reads my blog.)  (He asks me about 13 times every fall did I get a flu shot.)  (It’s really sweet of him, too.)

(Words in parentheses are invisible, right?)

I didn’t feel so good.  Next thing I knew, I was on the bed in a t-shirt, sweat-shirt, bathrobe and sweatpants, shivering like Murphy at the vet’s.  Good thing the house didn’t decide to combust because I was going nowhere quickly.  My legs were like Jello at a Mississippi picnic in July.

An hour or so later when I was able to stand (albeit shakily) I chugged about 72 ounces of water while swallowing down one or two of every vitamin I could find in the house.  Then I looked up Toxins.  Wow, you do learn something new every day.  And now I understand why we are so very sore the day after a marathon or intense training.  Fascinating.

Today I asked Lucia if that had anything to do with Beelzebub coming to torment me; she thought probably so.  She worked me over like a pro boxer again and sent me home, taller and straighter.  She said she did not release any demons today.  So far I’m feeling good.  I’m even tempted to go for a little run.

Or a nap.

Oh, the places you’ll go (with sincere apologies to Dr. S)

“You should try Indian food. It’s better than a triathlon.” I won’t name the source, but let’s just call her the honorary mayor of Turdville today. 😉

Heather suggested Indian food.  Becky had never had Indian food but I pointed out how good it could be.  Somehow, after a nice buffet at Bombay Palace, I was elected the Honorary Mayor of Turdville after declaring today to be “National Stupid Crap Weather Compounded By Being a Monday and I Have No Girl Scout Cookies Left in the Hiding Place Day and I hereby decree that everyone is not only permitted, but encouraged – nay – REQUIRED – to go ahead and quit trying to feel all perky and sunshiny because you’re just faking it anyway and that’s pissing me off too.”

Here is our National Stupid Crap Weather Day logo:

crappyday

And our Official Turdville Motto:  “Welcome to Turdville.  Go Away.”

My Staph Sargent-at-arms thought we should have an official Turdville Poem and suggested a Poetry contest.  As the Mayor of Turdville I felt it only right that I be the judge of the contest, which I – surprisingly – won! and declared myself the Poet Laureate of Turdville.  I offer my sincere thanks and heart-felt apologies to Dr. Seuss, although I do believe he might have felt the same way, this spring.

ODE TO TURDVILLE

Congratulations!  Today is your day.
It’s going to rain the whole world away!
Can’t get the car out – the driveway’s a Bay!

You have brains in your head.
(Well.  That’s what they said).
You’re on your own and you know what you know.
And YOU know where!  To Turdville you’ll  go!

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
You’ll say, “They just passed my bike — by only a hair!”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of cleat,
You’re too smart to go riding on any DAMN street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do
To people on bikes, cars yelling at you.

And then things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along. You’ll get rained upon, too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You still lag behind, despite your 12-speed.
You’ll be passed by the whole gang, they soon take the lead.
Wherever you bike, it won’t matter, you’re not best.
Karma bites ass – it rains upon you and the rest.

BWAhahaha.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
Pouring rain and floods can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
Your gang will fly past – you’ll be left in a Lurch.
After a 90% uphill with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
You ride slowly, carefully, those damn dogs there just BARKED.
A place you could strain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How deep is that f*cking sinkhole? How much can you spin?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
Chambers Chapel?  Damn uphill! Maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
No matter – it’ll be cloudy and windy, you’ll find,
A mind-maker-upper can’t make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place:

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go, Or the rain to stop
Shit.  Leak in the roof.  Where’s damn mop?
Or the mail to come, with more stupid bills.
Like riding on bikes, it’s always UP hills
The waiting around for a Yes or No
Weather.com just said, IT’S GOING TO SNOW??

Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
Or you asshole boss to go fly a kite
Waiting around for another Friday night
Or waiting for a chance to see some DAYLIGHT
Waiting, perhaps, for another damn break
But, no, JUST MORE RAIN, my yard’s now a LAKE.
I’ve flipped my wig, no more can I TAKE!
I’m going to bed, want to live? DO NOT WAKE.

Positively Positive

While I would describe myself as a realist rather than a pessimist, I do think it’s fair to say that most realists are probably a bit pessimistic just by nature of realizing that things are pretty much as they appear – which means, sometimes, pretty crappy.

The hubs, however, always thought I was a pessimist.  For example, if you have four-year-old twin boys in the middle of the den floor playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with empty papertowel-tube swords in a fort made of all the couch cushions (which, by the way, if you have any children in your home under the age of, oh – 16 – and you buy a couch with unattached cushions, it’s your own damn fault and don’t come crying to me because I learned the hard way and I guess you’re just gonna have to, too), and you put your cup of diet coke in the middle of the coffee table, and your wife says, “that cup is going to get knocked over” maybe the husband thinks the wife is being negative, while the wife is simply and fully aware of the fact that the beverage is not long for this Ninja Turtle-inhabited world.  And also that the husband has done the same thing in the same situation 8 times already which is why the supply of cups in the house is rapidly dwindling since four year old boys can destroy plastic as easily as glass.

Anyway, I’ve decided this Lent to try adding instead of subtracting.  I’m going to try to add a more positive outlook on things.  I’ll pay more attention to the positive realistic things and try to ignore the negative realistic things.  I’m going to add healthier food.  I’m going to keep working on adding more miles – altho I do wish I could subtract the fascist plantars in my feet.

This morning was a great chance to add some positivity in my day since it was supposed to be 15-25 mph winds with tornado watches.  Watches are different than warnings.  It’s like Code Yellow vs. Code Red.  One thing I’m positive of:  Memphis weather is psycho, and Code Nothing can go to Code We’re All Gonna Die in about a minute.  Also I’m still having relationship issues with weather.com, as you both know.  We broke up early last week and then on Sunday weather.com was so nice to me, gave me a beautiful sunny, slightly breezy, not-too-warm not-too-cold day and you know how it is when they bring you candy and look so remorseful; we were back together although I did state emphatically that This. Is. The. Last. Time.

I was positive that Cat was using my undercover toes as batting practice at 5:15 this morning so I got up and decided to be happy about the fact that God made coffee as I visited the Shrine of Glorious Coffee Making Perfection, pouring dark steaming nectar into my favorite mug *sip* *sip* *sigh* now I don’t have to kill anyone, you can all come back into the house.   I’ve got an hour on the books with Cheryl, aka The Exorcist, Jr.  Despite the fact she insists she’s just a trainer I am convinced she does not sleep and spends the dark hours of the night dreaming up new tortures.  Something about the way her eyes glow and spin when she thinks I’m not looking, I don’t know, it doesn’t seem right.  After the reign of terror I’ll do 5 easy miles.

Weather.com gaily informed me that today I am looking at:

Scattered strong thunderstorms. Damaging winds and large hail with some storms. High 73F. Winds SW at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 60%.

This does not sound like weather I want to do 5 easy miles in, but I’m willing to wait and give things a chance (see how positive that was?)

I worked out with Cheryl and she didn’t seem to want to kill me completely dead, so that  would be a positive thing.

She has a gym in her garage and we worked out with the door open.  That was positive.  It’s also probably the reason she didn’t seem to want to kill me completely dead.  The neighbors might notice.  That would be a good thing – another score for positveness.

Plus it was pretty funny watching her chase the recylcing down the road when the wind blew it out of the recylcing bucket.  That was defnitely positive.  Made even more positive by the fact that she was running in a pair of Danskos instead of running shoes.

The wind kept blowing and the clouds kept growing larger and darker and I wavered – should I chance a run outside or stick with the treadmill?  (I didn’t call it the *D*readmill – Positiveness)

I did a mile on the *T*readmill and decided to chance running outside before my brain fell out from boredom.  I wasn’t hearing any sirens, there were no end-of-the-world warnings screaming across the bottom of the TV screen and the rain hadn’t shown up yet.  See how this positivity thing is really falling into place for me?  This is getting encouraging.

I headed out and the wind wasn’t too bad until I turned the corner.  Then the wind managed to be blowing against me when I ran south.  Then it blew against me when I ran west.  Then it blew against me when I ran north.  But just think, it was like doing speed work without having to actually run fast.  My HR was 156 at a pace that should have been about 140.  Positively positivness.

And when I was finally headed east on the final 1/2 mile, the wind was at my back.  Suddenly I was running what should have been a 165HR pace at 136HR.  Honestly, this positivitiy-ness thing is working pretty good!  I’m not even too mad at weather.com that the promised damaging winds and large hail haven’t shown up while I sit here with the window open and the sun occassionally peeping out of the clouds and a warm kitten sleeping on my lap.

It’s not in the bag…yet

It’s 7:05am Sunday, the day of my long run, and I have 18 on the books.

No, I am not blogging while I run.

It’s 39 degrees, raining and 11mph winds.  For once weather.com got it right – first time in about 10 days which, if it were a professional baseball player instead of a professional weather forecaster, it would get fired.  Yesterday.  Not that I’m bitter.

Additionally, I feel like I’ve been dragged behind a bus – I’m exhausted (HAHAHA exhaust-ed), my legs weigh about 800 pounds and they feel like overcooked spaghetti.

I texted Sara:  I’m bagging, so sorry, hate to leave you on your own and she replied she was doing the same thing.  We’re planning to hook up later, maybe noon.

Since I have all this time on my hands – having been up since 4am so I could run at 6am – I have done laundry, re-arranged the den, cleaned the kitchen and had breakfast.  For breakfast I made an omelet.  I sauteed all the leftover peppers and onion I had, threw in some black forest deli ham, two egg whites and an egg, and topped it with reduced fat cheese and salsa.  I also had 1-1/2 slices of homemade bread because before I made breakfast I was messing around online and read this:

When training, you want to eat enough, but not too many carbs. The amount of carbs you eat as you train for a run is almost just as important as the training itself! A normal American Adult should shoot for eating around 45-65% of their calories from carbs, a runner should eat closer to 60%.

This means:

If you are eating around 1200 calories per day….
-540-780 of your calories should come from carbs, which is about 135-195 grams of carbs.
-720 of a runner’s calories should come from carbs or 180 grams of carbs (which rises as race day gets closer and training tempo increases).

For more info check the whole blog – http://initfortheshirt.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/my-new-favorite-sub-shop/

I have probably not been getting enough carbs the past couple weeks as I’d cut out bread due to the fact that I also read a couple weeks ago that a serving of bread is the highest source of sodium in our daily diet.  When I checked the cupboard I found that a serving of my multi-grain bread has 170mg of sodium and a serving of Tostitos multi-grain chips has 120mg.  So…it’s a trap.  Especially in view of the fact that it was a total fail when I tried to use the chips to make a ham sandwich.

However, I have a solution:  my bread machine – in which I will now start making whole grain bread myself and will not add so much salt.

Ta.Da.  And it could help explain the tiredness and heavy legs.

Then I saw that my friend Camille had posted a video of the proper way to use a foam roller http://camilleherron.com/how-to-foamlacrosse-ball-roll-the-critical-body-parts/.  Watching the vid I realized I have not been making good use of the foam roller which could also explain some of the issues with my legs.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing to be a bit flexible in the running plans.  If weather.com is right – and it’s on a roll now, batting .100 here – the sun should come out about 11am, I can still get my run and in the meantime I learned valuable info, and the den looks nice.

Also I have a softy snoring, velvety soft kitty asleep on my lap *ooooommmmmm*

Damn.  I. am. good.

More signs a relationship may not work out in the end.

(For more extremely helpful information on your personal relationships and whether they are headed in the right direction, refer to:  https://rundogcat.me/2012/01/11/bruno-mars-setting-the-bar-impossibly-high-for-the-next-generation/ and https://rundogcat.me/2012/01/13/signs-a-relationship-might-not-work-out-in-the-end/)  Sincerely, Terri Clarke, Advice Blogger

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Between the cat and my age I’m getting up earlier all the time.  I made it to 5am yesterday which is better than usual with a nocturnal child; when I rolled over and rearranged Mooshy Pillow, ready to doze back off, Cat decided it must be play time.  Nipping at my toes and climbing awkwardly across my head to the night stand and then the dresser, knocking all my things to the floor (what the?? where’s the grace?  where’s the instinctive style of cats slinking?  God knows, Chunk got her name honestly) she quickly convinces me that I want to get up.  Or that I’m going to get up whether I want or not.

Morning ritual – visit Shrine of Coffee Pot, pay homage to hot coffee in my cup, lovely coffee, steaming coffee, glistening black nectar.  I don’t want to go in the cold dark to get the paper so I head downstairs to my office.

Knowing I have mileage on the books this morning I check weather.com and immediately sigh.  I feel our relationship is going wrong.  The trust is gone, the joy in the relationship is gone.  I’m thinking of  breaking up but it’s a habit now.  I’ve got to start seeing other weather sites but I’m at that point in the relationship that I continue to return to the safe and familiar even while I’m hurt and lied to daily.  And, as has happened so frequently recently, weather.com blandly assures me it will be 33 and partly cloudy when I set out about 7:15am, and the little icon shows mostly sun with a littlebitty cloud on it:

Partly Cloudy

That looks like a lot more sun than cloud to me.  Unfortunately weather.com has assured me of the same thing many times recently and when I cheerfully accept its pronouncements of sunny, partly cloudy weather I am constantly betrayed with steel grey skies and chill winds.

I’m beginning to feel that weather.com is no longer really putting its heart into this.  I feel it’s phoning it in.  However, right now it’s about 5:30am and still dark as night outside so I decide, like you should in a relationship, to give it the benefit of doubt.

Meh.

This is what Partly Cloudy actually looks like at 7:15am:

And this is what Partly Cloudylooks like about 75 minutes later:

Weather.com, meet my new beau:  www.noaa.gov.

Buh-bye.

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